Baaje Bawkaa

JaaNra o-kowpoT-e shwikaar kowren je, aamake chenen, taaNra ek byaapar-e ek mot, je aami naaki oshowmbhob rokom baaje boktey paari. Kaaron aami bad jokes-er dead letter office. Ei bad jokes, jetaa aamar mukh diye pun-kouri-r motoh maajhe maajhei dubki mere aabar maatha jhhara diye oThey, shegulo-r proshong-shaa keu kokhuno korey naa kaaron 'It was a good bad joke', naaki 'Dada, gaaRi-ta pechhoney back koriye rakhun' type-er shuntey laage!

Taa, shey jaai hok. Maajhe shaajhe je mon kharaap laage na, taa naa. Tokhun aami ei bhebey mon bhaalo kore nii, je 'baaje' katha-taar Ingriji torjomaa korley daaNraye 'related to sound'. Aar 'sound' katha-taar Ingriji ortho hochhe 'bhaalo' - ei jemon 'He has a sound knowledge of acoustics'.

Shutohraang, byapar-ta ei daaNralo je, aapni Banglaaye aamake gaal dilen, shetaai Ingriji-te proshong-shaa hoye gelo! Shaadhe boley English is a cheeky language!

Kaal chhilo Gonow-tontro dibosh. Aar kichhu kawraar chhilo naa boley decide korechhilam ekta cinema dekhtey jaabo. Aagey theke ticket-o ketey rekhechhilam, kaaron oi din-e ticket-er tiki-r shondhaan pawao mushkil hoye daaNraye. Chhobi-r naam 'Salaam-e-Ishq'. Taatey kaara nei, shetaa bollei bodhoy shubidhey hoy. Kaaron bhawr dupur-e otoh taaroka ek mattor last aami Birla Planetarium-e dekhechhilam.

Promos were quite promising. Taa chhara original-ta - 'Love Actually' - kichhu mohilader khoppor-e porey avoid kortey paarini. Shetao aamar khub ektaa kharaap legechhilo, taa bolbo naa - I am referring to the mohilas, jaader khoppor-e aami porechhilam - not the film!

Taa, shokkal shokkal pouchhey gelaam hall-e. Beriye elaam jokhun, mon-e holo hall naa, hawl-a-hawl. 'Love Actually' tothkkhon-e 'Torture Definitely' hoye geychhey. Gonow-tontro dibowsh-er din-e orokom Maanoshik Gonow... dholaai'!

Ektu porishkaar kore boli.

Ingriji-tey ekta katha achhe 'Royally screwed'. I was 'Salaam-e-Ishqrewed!' Chhobi-ta chaar ghawnTaa lombaa. Ebong jekono patriotic film-er cheye effective. Maane, film-taar Republic Day-r din-i release kawra uchit chhilo. Aamader freedom fighter-der opor-e je maanoshik otyechaar chaalatoh British-ra, taar ektaa nidorshon hochhe oi chhobi. Shudhu ektaai difference - British-ra taaka niye otyichaar kortoh naa!

Half-time-e aami Guard-ke bollam 'Dada, aami baari jaabo!' Shey boley ki na 'Aaj Republic Day hai. Picture khatam hone se pehle nikalne nahi denge...security risk hai!' Taake aami kotoh kore bojhaabar chesTa korlaam je, hall-er bhetor-e thaakle aamar life risk hai, shey bayTaa paashonDow kichhuttei bojhe naa!

Aami ogottya ekta onno Audi-tey dhokaar prochesTa kawratey shekhaneo dhawra porey gelaam. Aamar ticket naaki onno Audi-r. Erokom Auditor gochher lok jon-er pallaye porey phire jetei holo!

Chhobi-tey Vidya Balan-er character-taar ektaa rog hoy, jaar naam hochhe 'Retrograde Amnesia'. Shuntey onektaa amnesia-r retrospective-er moto holeo, case-Taa taa noy. Oi rog jaader hoy, taaNra kono ekta specific kichhu (Vidya Balan-er character-Taar khetrey, taaNr je John Abraham-er shaathe biye hoyechhilo) bemalum bhuley jaaye. Aamar mon-e hoy, end credit-er shomoy nirdeshok mahashoy jodi kaymne Retrograde Amnesia invoke kawra jetey paarey, sheTaa aamne shaamne baatliye dayn, aamar motoh dorshok-der taaholey mongol hobey!

Ei shob koTheen koTheen Ingriji shobdoh shunley baa jaanley aamar ek shaathe onek katha mon-e porey jaaye. Ei jemon, aamar ek purono office-e ek colleague chhilen. Aamar Ingriji uchharon je khub uchho maan-er sheTaa aami kokkhunoi bolbo naa, kintu onaar, maane aamar shei colleague-er Ingriji bawlaa shunley mon-e hotoh unee roj shokaal-e 'The Statesman'-er ThoNgaa-te muri kheye aashten.

Taa, jaai hok, aamar Ingriji uchharon khub neemno maan-er bolei aami onaake besh bhakti-shradhha kortaam. Kintu sheTaa jawlanjali gelo ekdin. GhawTonaa-ta taaholey kholsha kore-i boli.

Office-er Bawro-babu shedin eshechhen khod Bombay theke. Taai emnitei besh hulu-sthul kaando. Aami aar aamar shei shoho-kormi onaar shaathe dekhaa kortey gechhi - tawlob elo jei mattor. Exactly ki aamader-ke jiggyesh korechhilen, baa bolechhilen Bawro-babu sheTaa eddin baad-e powrishkaar kore mon-e nei. Sref ei tuku mon-e achhe 'Sir' jetaa bollen sheTaa-tey shommoti jaaniye, aamar shohokormi sir dolaalen ebong Ingriji-tey ki ekta besh bollen. Byas...aar jaaye kothaaye!

Bawro-babu ekta besh boro rokom-er lompho mere 'tawraak' kore chair theke laafiye uThlen. Dekhben, khub excited hoye gele, baa prochonDoh regey gele, onek-er mukh theke maatri-bhaasha beriye aashe. (Maatri-bhaasha maane aami obishhyi 'Teri maa...' diye shuru baakyo-baan-er katha bolchhi naa!)

Taa, 'Sir' dekhlaam hoThaat Baangal bhaashaye chayNchaatey laaglen "Ki, tumi mor-e 'shuaar' koila?" Aami ritimotoh thotoh-motoh. Aamar shoho-kormi toh praaye murchhaa jaan, aar ki! Aamtaa-aamtaa kore ki besh ekTaa boltey laaglo shey, something to the effect of, "Na na...aami toh Sir...sure sir...aapni sir..."

Aabar 'tawraak'. Ebaar dekhi Bawro-babu aamake borrow korchhen in the conversation, "Oi, oi aabar. Ei, tumi, shunla, shunla? Aabar mor-e 'shuaar' koilo!"

Straight out of 'Pig-malion', na?

Shei je bhoddorlok haashi-r khoraak holen, shey aar thaamlo naa. Onaar chul-gulo shojaaru-r kaaNtaa-r motoh khaaRa khaaRa chhilo. Aar bhoddorlok-er surname chhilo Pyne. Taai aaRaley aabDaal-e lok-e onaake 'Porku Pyne' boleo daakto boley shunechhi.

Ebaar oi dhaar naa maaRiye ek-aadh-taa dhaar kawraa goppo shonaai, oi Ingriji shonkrantoh. Aamar current office-er colleague-er bawlaa eTaa. Shey je college-e portoh, taatey ek teacher chhilen, jaaNr Ingriji gyaan onektaa aamar Hindi gyaan-er motoh chhilo. Shutohraang chhatro-ra besh mawjaa petoh, ebong mawjaa korto-o.

Ei jemon ekdin unii class-e eshe dekhlen, je platform-er opor onaar chair table thaaktoh, shei platform-er opor diye Shatabdi Express choley geychhey. Maane, unii class-e Dhukey dekhen platform, taar opor table, table-er opor chair, ebong chair-er opor ektaa noNgraa nyaakraa gochher kichhu ekTaa.

Orokom ektaa cleaning tower dekhe unii shojaa daaNt pishaatey pishaatey beriye gelen. Jokhun 'Father'-ke niye aabar haajir holen totoh-kkhon-e the raised tower had been razed to the ground. Neechu golaaye chhatro-der 'Baap-baapantoh' kore 'Father'-ke unii bojhaalen "You see, Father. When I enter classroom, I see all the furniture are deranged!"