Bhasha-e bohiya
Ei blog lekha aami shuru korechhilam nehaat-i curiosity-r khaatir-e. Delhi-r moto erokom ekta baaje city-te theke theke nijeke kirokom ekta curio-piece-er moto mon-e hochhilo. Taa chhara ei naam'ta besh - ' blog'. Naam-er moddhey ekta Sukumar Ray-Sukumar Ray gondho achhe.
Shillong gechhilam Ma-Baba-r shaathe, tokhun aamar boyesh khub-i kom. Shekhane ekta log cabin-e chhilam.
Oi trip-ta aamar aabchha-aabchha ekhuno mon-e achhe. Ei kaaron-ei aaro mon-e achhe je, Class VII-e aamader oNke-r master jokhun aamake 'What is a log table, with example' proshno korechhilen, aami Shillong-er oi log cabin-er table-er brityanto onaake shuniechhilam. Unee kaTh-khotta maanush. Aamar oi uttor-er doKKhina hishebe aamake class-er 'outstanding' student aaKhya diye dokhina hawa khawate paathiye diyechhilen!
Haan, toh jaa bolchhilam. 'Blog' naamta shunei aamar kirokom jayno tog-bog kore energy-level bere gelo. Blog naam-tar khub kaachha-kaachhi ekta shobdo achhe - log-bog. Aar aami shoddyo-shoddyo 'Omkara'-te Langda Tyagi-r character dekhe besh udbuddho-o hoye gechhilam. Shob miliye, shuru holo aamar blog-blog kora.
Chhotobela-te aamar juktaKKhor shikhte besh beg pete hoyechhilo. Ingiriji-te jaake boley 'Beg to differ'. IyoN-chaw aar chaw-e-iyoN, ei niye aamar ekhuno jothesto confusion achhe. Maane aami praaye-i gaamchha aar baanchha-r modhhey guliye pheli. Bolai bahullyo, etaa moteo baaNchhoniyo noy!
Taa, blog lekha jokhun shuru korlaam, shob-i kirokom bhaasha-bhaasha laagchhilo. Ei jemon, kon bhaasha-e likhbo? Aamar kichhu bondhu maarfot gyaaNtoh holaam je Bangla-teo lekha jaaye! Bangla-r proti aamar aakorshon oporishim. Onno bhaasha-r scotch-kochi ki aar Bangla-r neshaa-r chouhuddi-r moddheo aashte paare? Taai shorbo prothom aami khuNjte laaglaam, Bangla lekhar software.
Achha, ei Google naam-ta ki Samaresh Basu-r Gogol character theke anupraanito? Kaaron dujon-er-i power of finding out is ten to the power infinity!
Aamar mot-e ei Google-er maalik-ra are missing out on a huge marketing opportunity. Aagekaar din-e ki hoto, na, lokjon Kumbho mela-e haariye jeto, aabar Kumbho mela-tei eke-opor-ke khuNje petow. Taa aamader Google-i baa kom kishe? Aar Kumbho-r moto market era paabe kothaye? Shutorang era jodi Kumbho mela-te ekta stall dey, aamar mon-e hoy oder byaabsha hoi-hoi kore beRe jaabe.
Jaai hok, kothaye besh chhilam? Oh, haan. Ebaar stall theke install-e phire aashi. Banglaword boley ekta software-er hodish pawa gelo. Taa sheta shiggiri install kore haath kochley likhte boshlaam. Prothom baKKo likhlaam 'Aami Rupak'.
Aami khub monojog diye type kori. Onek-ke dekhechhi taara monitor-er dike taakiye jhawr-jhawr kore jhawr-er beg-e type korte paare - kintu ekhaneo I beg to differ. My typing has to be monitored.
Taa nijer introduction dewar por, maatha tule praaye bhirmi khaai aar ki! Monitor-e jeta phutey uthlo, shei bhaasha aamar teen-maash-er cousin hoyto bujhte paarto - aamar khawmota-r baiire. Shei theke decide korlaam, je unlike Bangla-r maati aamar Bangla-te blog lekha-r ichhe-ta awpurno-i roye jaabe. In other words, Bangla-e lekhar plan-tai maati!
Aamar blog jaaNra pawren (jemon, aami) taaNra onekei aamake bolechhen je, ei Ingriji oKKhor-e Bangla portey bhishon koshto hoy. Taai, keno na aami Ingriji-tei Ingriji likhi? Aami ekbaar ekta oshadharon version of 'Terminator 2' dekhechhilam - sheta Hindi-te dubbed chhilo, with English sub-title. Chhobi-ta dekhar experience aamar ekhuno mon-e achhe and this is the closest I have come to repeating that in my real life.
Aar shotti boltey ki, Bangla-r mahaTTo-i aalada. Ei jemon, shedin aamar ek bondhu jachhilo ekta music system kintey. Taa, je music system-ta baaje sheta bhaalo, aar je music system-ta baaje na sheta bhalo na, eta keno hobe when it should actually be je, je music system-ta baaje na sheta bhalo, ei rokom ekta prochondo rokom aaddhyattik aalochona-te aatke gechhilam.
Bangla-te jokhun dhukei gechhi, tokhun ekta obhiGGyata-r katha-o boli. South Point-e aami jokhun portaam, aamader Statistics pawraten Prithwish-Babu.
Unee Silheti bhaasha-e katha bolten - jaake boley with a clean Silhet. Taa aami shedin ki mon-e holo, first bench-e boshe chhilam. Hothaat dekhi bhodro-lok aamar shaamne daaNriye nibishto mon-e aamake dekhchhen. Aami mukh tuley chaaite-i, uni bollen 'Panta kholo'!
Sref hotow-baak hoye gelaam. Uthey daaNralaam. Aabar shei ek aadesh - 'Panta kholo!' Aami aaD chokh-e edik odik taakiye belt-er dik-e haath baaRalaam. Pher dhomok. Dekhi, unee-i haath baaRachhen. Aamar praae moorchha jawar upokrom. Shesh baar-er moto chokh tuley dekhi uni aamar pen-ta aamar haath-e dhorachhen - khaap-ta khule!
Ei shutre-i aarekta experience mon-e pore gelo. Ebaar Hindi-r paala. Aami Hindi pawra shikhechhi Hindi chhobi-r poster powrey. Taa, aamra - maane aami, Ma Baba - shebaar gechhilam, ki besh jaaygaata-r naam, haan, Agartala. Shekhane giye dekhi obaak kando.
Shaari shaari dokaan, shei dokaan-er opor jaa lekha taar maane daaNraaye je, oi dokaan-er maalik-der opowr ekta kore phone raakha achhe. Udahoron shworoop (e shob kichhui kintu Hindi-te lekha) Sunil pe phone, Jindal pe phone, Ramu pe phone, ityaadi, ityaadi, ityaadi!
Jodi-o eta bhaasha shonkraanto noy, taao Agartala boltey mon-e porey gelo, taai likhchhi. Okhaane aamra ekta jongol type-er jaaygaa-te gechhilam, jekhaane kichhu coffee-r gaachh chhilo. Aamader ek co-traveler, aamar ekhuno mon-e achhey, ekta gaachh-er paataa chhiRe, chibiye kheye bolecchilen, "Umm..., na, Nescafe noy. Bru-tru hobe!"
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Naam Pori-naam
Aamader shobaar kichhu na kichhu ekta shongroho korar baatik thaake. Aami naam jawmai.
Prothom-e bhebechhilam naam-er bhoot shiggiri ghaaR theke naambe. Kintu ei tirish bochhor boyesh hoye gelo, naam-koron-er kaaron shudha-r nesha ekhun-o naasha-rondhro diye rondhrey-rondhrey boichhey.
Aamar office Delhi-r Okhla boley ekta jaaygaay. Jaaygaata-r naam bodhoy fokla holei bhalo hoto, kaaron du-chaarte paan-jarda khawa kele daaNt-er moto factory-r chimney beriye thaake oi onchol-ta theke.
Jaai hok. Taa office theke pherar shomoy traffic jam-er moddhey jaate sandwich na hoye jaai, taai ektu ghur-poth-e phirtey hoy. Sheirokom-i ekdin phirchhi. Jaanla-r baairey taakiye dekhi ek adbhut drishhyo.
Ekta baari, taar opor ekta board. Shei board-er opor bishaal bishaal oKKhor-e lekha - 'Vishal DaaNtoh ka Hospital'.
Ekhun proshno-ta hochhey, Delhi-r moto jaaygay ora shindhu-ghotok paaye kothaye, ba haathi? Taa jodi naao hoy, taa-holey ki okhaane aamar moto lok-der jawa nishiDDhyo? Kaaron naa toh aami haaN korle brohmanddo dekha jaaye, naa dawNto bikoshito korley mon-e hoy shaal-graam shila.
Besh kichhuKKhon daaNriye roilaam building-taar shaamne. Ei aasha-te je ekta na ekta patient dekhte paabo. Kintu aapshosh ei je, impatient hoye phire aashtey holo.
Tobey, je ba jaara oi naam-ta rekhechhilo, 'unki daat deni padegi'!
Aami jokhun Kolkata-e thaaktaam, praaye-i Gol Park theke Jadavpur jetaam, tuition-er jonno. Raasta-e ekta dokaan poRto, jetaar board-ta etoi interesting chhilo je dekhte giye koKKhuno bored hotaam na.
ChaamRa-r dokaan-tar naam-ta bhuley gechhi, kintu naam-er neeche jetaa lekha chhilo sheta oKKhor-e oKKhor-e mon-e achhe - 'Ekhane bag, handbag, juto ebong shorbo-prokaar ladies parts sharaai hoy'! Eta pawRa-r por oder dokaan-e juto-r komti kono din hoy ni bodhoy.
Aarekta episode mon-e poRe gelo. South Point-e aami Class XI-XII poRechhilam. XI-e poRa-kaalin aami jaundice-eo poRechhilam. Shei yellow state-e sharakkhon aamake ruti aar gorom rasogolla 'Yeh-lo' boley din-e chaar-baar khawano hoto.
Taa shoDDo shoDDo tokhun jaundice theke uthechhi - jaake bol-ey gaaye holud obostha tokhun-o puro-ta kaateni. Bus-e korey phirchhi, chokh-e porlo self promotion-er ek joghonnyo nidorshon.
Kon paaRa-r ke ek Jaga-da, shey dekhlaam MBA hoyechhe bol-ey Gariahat-er moRh-e ekta iya lomba banner taangiyechhe. Neech-e aabar lekha 'Wishes you a very happy Durga Puja'.
Bhaablaam 'A-mawron, moron kothaakar!'
Du-ekdin por Pujo-r kenaa-kaata shaartey Ma aamake Gariahat-er Jagadamba store-e niye gelo!
Kolkata-r Behala chottowr-e Ajanta naam-e ekta cinema hall achhey. Shekhaan theke ektu egiye gelei ekta jaayga achhey jeta ODRC naam-e porichitoh. Puro naam-ta hochhey Old Dog's Race Course. BaaRi phera-kaalin aami protidin bhaabtaam, ekhun-o bhaabi kintu bhebe kulkinara paai ni je ota buro kukur der racecourse, na kukur-der purono race course.
Aar-o adbhut byapar hochhe kukur-der race organize korey kaara? Aami kukur-der ekmaatro gaaRi-r pechhoney race kortey dekhechhi. Taao unorganized obosthaye.
Aamar ek bondhu-r shaathe shedin kotha hochhilo ekta company kholar - o actually aamake suggest korchhilo je aami ekta company khuli - Production house. Typical Baangali-r moto I believe je, business is none of my business. Aage-kaar din-er production house holey taao na hoy hoto - shekhaane ekta Gupta babu-r camera diye shaaraa bochhor kaaj cholto. Aar aajkaal toh shaara bochhor je oi shob company-te ki kaaj hoy, taa gupto-camera-r daulat-e TV khullei dekha jachhe.
Production aar reproduction-er moddhey kono farak-i roilo na - jene gaa 'ri-ri' kawre!
Kawtha-e kawtha-e, actually naamkoron-er kawtha-e kawtha-e ei bondhu maarfot gyaaNtoh holaam je Bombay-te naaki ekta 'Toe-toe' Babu-r garage achhey. Shutorang aamar 'Toe-toe company' kholaa-r plan baatil hoye gelo.
Uttor elo, "Ei noon-ta aar ektu beshi porlei shob baan-chaal hoye jeto!"
Aamar client-ti chhilo oi rokom. Shesh-e aar na pere aami surrender kore dilum.
Por-e shunechhilam ooni nijei restaurant-er naam rekhechhen - 'Chaatu Curry'.
Aamader shobaar kichhu na kichhu ekta shongroho korar baatik thaake. Aami naam jawmai.
Prothom-e bhebechhilam naam-er bhoot shiggiri ghaaR theke naambe. Kintu ei tirish bochhor boyesh hoye gelo, naam-koron-er kaaron shudha-r nesha ekhun-o naasha-rondhro diye rondhrey-rondhrey boichhey.
Aamar office Delhi-r Okhla boley ekta jaaygaay. Jaaygaata-r naam bodhoy fokla holei bhalo hoto, kaaron du-chaarte paan-jarda khawa kele daaNt-er moto factory-r chimney beriye thaake oi onchol-ta theke.
Jaai hok. Taa office theke pherar shomoy traffic jam-er moddhey jaate sandwich na hoye jaai, taai ektu ghur-poth-e phirtey hoy. Sheirokom-i ekdin phirchhi. Jaanla-r baairey taakiye dekhi ek adbhut drishhyo.
Ekta baari, taar opor ekta board. Shei board-er opor bishaal bishaal oKKhor-e lekha - 'Vishal DaaNtoh ka Hospital'.
Ekhun proshno-ta hochhey, Delhi-r moto jaaygay ora shindhu-ghotok paaye kothaye, ba haathi? Taa jodi naao hoy, taa-holey ki okhaane aamar moto lok-der jawa nishiDDhyo? Kaaron naa toh aami haaN korle brohmanddo dekha jaaye, naa dawNto bikoshito korley mon-e hoy shaal-graam shila.
Besh kichhuKKhon daaNriye roilaam building-taar shaamne. Ei aasha-te je ekta na ekta patient dekhte paabo. Kintu aapshosh ei je, impatient hoye phire aashtey holo.
Tobey, je ba jaara oi naam-ta rekhechhilo, 'unki daat deni padegi'!
Aami jokhun Kolkata-e thaaktaam, praaye-i Gol Park theke Jadavpur jetaam, tuition-er jonno. Raasta-e ekta dokaan poRto, jetaar board-ta etoi interesting chhilo je dekhte giye koKKhuno bored hotaam na.
ChaamRa-r dokaan-tar naam-ta bhuley gechhi, kintu naam-er neeche jetaa lekha chhilo sheta oKKhor-e oKKhor-e mon-e achhe - 'Ekhane bag, handbag, juto ebong shorbo-prokaar ladies parts sharaai hoy'! Eta pawRa-r por oder dokaan-e juto-r komti kono din hoy ni bodhoy.
Aarekta episode mon-e poRe gelo. South Point-e aami Class XI-XII poRechhilam. XI-e poRa-kaalin aami jaundice-eo poRechhilam. Shei yellow state-e sharakkhon aamake ruti aar gorom rasogolla 'Yeh-lo' boley din-e chaar-baar khawano hoto.
Taa shoDDo shoDDo tokhun jaundice theke uthechhi - jaake bol-ey gaaye holud obostha tokhun-o puro-ta kaateni. Bus-e korey phirchhi, chokh-e porlo self promotion-er ek joghonnyo nidorshon.
Kon paaRa-r ke ek Jaga-da, shey dekhlaam MBA hoyechhe bol-ey Gariahat-er moRh-e ekta iya lomba banner taangiyechhe. Neech-e aabar lekha 'Wishes you a very happy Durga Puja'.
Bhaablaam 'A-mawron, moron kothaakar!'
Du-ekdin por Pujo-r kenaa-kaata shaartey Ma aamake Gariahat-er Jagadamba store-e niye gelo!
Kolkata-r Behala chottowr-e Ajanta naam-e ekta cinema hall achhey. Shekhaan theke ektu egiye gelei ekta jaayga achhey jeta ODRC naam-e porichitoh. Puro naam-ta hochhey Old Dog's Race Course. BaaRi phera-kaalin aami protidin bhaabtaam, ekhun-o bhaabi kintu bhebe kulkinara paai ni je ota buro kukur der racecourse, na kukur-der purono race course.
Aar-o adbhut byapar hochhe kukur-der race organize korey kaara? Aami kukur-der ekmaatro gaaRi-r pechhoney race kortey dekhechhi. Taao unorganized obosthaye.
Aamar ek bondhu-r shaathe shedin kotha hochhilo ekta company kholar - o actually aamake suggest korchhilo je aami ekta company khuli - Production house. Typical Baangali-r moto I believe je, business is none of my business. Aage-kaar din-er production house holey taao na hoy hoto - shekhaane ekta Gupta babu-r camera diye shaaraa bochhor kaaj cholto. Aar aajkaal toh shaara bochhor je oi shob company-te ki kaaj hoy, taa gupto-camera-r daulat-e TV khullei dekha jachhe.
Production aar reproduction-er moddhey kono farak-i roilo na - jene gaa 'ri-ri' kawre!
Kawtha-e kawtha-e, actually naamkoron-er kawtha-e kawtha-e ei bondhu maarfot gyaaNtoh holaam je Bombay-te naaki ekta 'Toe-toe' Babu-r garage achhey. Shutorang aamar 'Toe-toe company' kholaa-r plan baatil hoye gelo.
Copywriter howaar daulat-e aamake praaye-i onek utko aabdaar shuntey hoy. Taar moddhey one of the most common hochhe 'Ekta naam diye de, bhai!'
Ei jemon aaj theke besh koyekta office aagekaar ghawtona. Aamar ek dur-shompokker colleague, eshe aabdaar kore boshlo je, taaNr ek Bangali bondhu restaurant khulchhe, taar naam-koron kore ditey hobey! Egulo hochhe, jaake bol-ey classic freelancing - free-te sref kheTey jaao.
Client brief jaa pawa geylo, taa oteebo brief - 'Aami Bangali theke North Indian shob-i baanabo.' Onek maatha ghaaNtiye ekta naam-er phawrdo paathaalam.
Onaar haab-bhaab-ta onek-ta aamar ek bondhu-r jayTha-moshai-er moto chhilo. Ei bhoddor-lok, maane aamar bondhu-r jayTha moshai-er ekta dosh chhilo - ooni koKKhuno jeyThima-r ranna-r proshongsha korten na - kichhu na kichhu ekta khuNt theek ber korten.
Ekdin jeyThima bhaablen 'Onek jayThamo hoyechhe, aaj emon ranna raaNdhbo je kichhuttei khuNt dhorte paarbe na'. Jei bawla, shei kaaj.
Uttor elo, "Ei noon-ta aar ektu beshi porlei shob baan-chaal hoye jeto!"
Aamar client-ti chhilo oi rokom. Shesh-e aar na pere aami surrender kore dilum.
Por-e shunechhilam ooni nijei restaurant-er naam rekhechhen - 'Chaatu Curry'.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Kaala-jaWr
Kaala-jaWr - ei bhoyonkor byaamo-taar katha, thanks to a number of Bangali shahityik, aami gyaNto. Kothaye besh poreochhilam je, kaala-jaWr ekhun bhu-bharat theke phorsha hoye geychhey! Exactly je rog-ta ki, sheta aamar thik kore mon-e nei, tobey etuku boltey paari je, gotoh teen-chaar din dhorey aami ei byaadhi-te aakranto hoyechhilam. Dhum jaWr hoyechhilo, ebong aami kaala hoye gechhilam!
Kolkata theke phire aashaar por thekei kaymon jeno gaa-ta mayj-mayj korchhilo. Prothom-e bhebechhilam je oi Pujo accha-r din acchhaa kore mauj korar fawl hochhe oi 'a-chhoo' gochher haaNchi gulo. (Ingrej-ra shotti je ki na! HaaNchi-ke keu kono din 'aa chhoo' bole? Ei shob shomoy-e je dur-e thaka bhalo, taa oder-ke ke bojhabe?)
Onek-er haaNchi besh 'min-min' kora - jaare koy 'HaaNchi min'. Aamar-ta aabar super-woofer inbuilt-wala. Ek baar mon-ey achhe, Delhi-er ek ottyonto posh cinema hall-e bosh-e cinema dekhchhilam, ebong ek mokkhom muhurtey haaNchi pelo.
HaaNchi hochhey SMS-er moto. Aagey theke kokkhuno bojha jaaye na, kokhun taaNr aabirbhaab hobey! Aar prokot holey attend na kore paara jaaye na.
Taa jaai hok, shaamlaatey na pere heNchei phellam. Chokh khule dekhi, shei Goopy Bagha jemon haath-taali diye, jei kono khaabaar-er katha convey korto, taai aakash theke puro conveyor belt diye naama-r moto shaari shaari neme aashtoh, temon-i ekta kichhu ghotechhe!
Eta jaantaam na je, PVR-e haaNchle free khaabar pawa jaaye. Aamar kowl-moy dekhlaam popcorn. 'Bhaggyish kowl-e Cola poreni', ei bhaabtey bhaabtey ekbaar opor-er dik-e taakaalam - nishchhidro ondhokaar. DaaN dik-e taakate rohoshhyo udghaaton holo. Dekhlaam ek theyssh diye bosha Sheth-ji, taaNr chokkhu ritimoto pop-out korchhe, haath-e aadh gaamla popcorn!
Shordi-r best oshud naaki needra. Shei kaaron-ei bodhoy aagekaar din-er rishi-maharishi-der shordi hoto na. Kaaron taaNra katha-e katha-e jog-needra-r path obolombon korten. Jaai hok, aami aamar schedule-e office biyog kore, needra jog korlaam.
Por-er din shokaal-e chokh meltei ek obdhut sensation holo. Shokaal 7-taar jogot je eto chup-chaap hotey paare, aagey jaantaam na. Aabaar Goopy-r katha mon-ey porey gelo, kemon shey bhoot-er raja-r bawr pawar por-ey gawla chherey gaan dhorechhilo!
Goopy-r shaathe aamar ekta mil achhey. O jemon chup chaap prokriti dekhe gaan dhorechhilo, temon aami aamar college life-e kokkhuno jodi prokritistho baa o-prokritistho obosthaye gaan gaawar chesta kortaam, aamar bondhu-ra aamake chup koraanor jonno chepey dhorto. Taai gaan aar chup-chaap dutoi aamar jibon-e related.
FTV boley aamar ek oteehbo priyo TV channel achhey. Ota dekhei aami bujhechhilam oi Supermodel-der orokom Shojne daaNtar moto chehara hoy ki kore! Shaaradin jodi keu heNte jaaye, taar cheye bhalo exercise aar ki hotey paare? Jaai hok, oi channel-e shedin shokaal-e ei bochhor-er Cannes Award ceremony-r opor ekta program dekhachhilo. Kaan-e ektao word dhuklo na jokhun, bujhlaam aami kaala hoye geychhi!
JaWr jinish-ta aamake prochondo disoriented kore deY. Eta boltey mon-ey pore gelo ekta ghebrey dewa experience.
Aamar prothom chaakri. Event management. Geychhi ek client meeting-e. Client boley ki na 'My brand is extremely manly. It is called 'Three Lines''. Aami aaRh chokh-e ek baar aamar client servicing colleague-er dik-e taakaalam. Shey dekhi nirlipto hoye shuney jachhey client-er katha. Briefing-er shomoy aaro ontohtoh baar shaataash-ek shei ek kotha shuntey holo 'Very macho - three lines'. Aami totokkhon-e 'I came. I saw. I conquered' theke frustrated hoye 'I came to meeting. I heard. I want to conk him' obdi praaye shob bhebe phelechhi, kintu teen-te macho line kichhuttei match koratey paarlaam na.
Aar thaaktey na pere client-ke bollam 'Aapnaar brand-er ekta logo dekha jete paare?' Logo-tey teen-te shingho - three lions!
Shei shingho duaar khultey joto naa koshto peyechhilam, taar theke kom haynostha ebaar hotey hoy ni. Aamar fridge-ta gelo kharaap hoye er moddhey. Prothom-e bhaablaam, aamar oi oto golper boi gulor jonney ebaar ekta cold storage pawa geychhey.
Kintu jokhun praaye protidin-i dal shondhey jete na jete awmbol hoye jete shuru korlo, aar dinner skip korey aamar awmbol aar choaaN dheNkur-er prokop baartei laaglo, dekhlam notun ekta fridge na kiney upaay nei.
Aaj kaal bawro gondogol-er shomoy. Jaai kintey jaao, shob-i etoh bawro bawro je, hoy taa kintey tomaake taaka borrow kortey hobey, aar taa na paarlei gondogol.
Ei jemon, aamaar dorkaar chhilo ekta chhoto fridge. Taa aami duto dorjaa-wala fridge niye korbo-ta ki? Jaani, duto dorjaa thakaar shubidhe achhe. Kintu shey toh baari-r khettrey projojjyo - fridge-er khetrey toh noy.
Aar shotti boltey ki, shudhu borof-er jonno oto bawro ekta compartment - borof aamar chaai, aami maani - kintu chaaiN chaaiN borof chaai, emon toh kokhuno bolini!
Kicchhu fridge-er khetrey dekhlam oi flight ba train-e jemon hoy, temon veg aar non-veg aalaada hoye geychhey. Maaney, fridge-er neech-e dekhlaam ekta aalaada compartment - eta fridge-er baaire - taate shobji raakhar byabostha. Salesman ke jiggyesh korlaam 'Aarshola oTHey jodi?'
Jaai hok, onek ghora ghuri korar por ekta aamar shomaan height-er fridge pochhondo holo. Diwali boley dokaandaar bollo 'Guaranteed free gift' achhey. 'Gift' aar 'Free' ei duto katha aamra Bangali-ra prochondo pochhondo kori. Taai prochondo excited hoye gelaam gift aantey.
Prothom-ei dokaandaar ekta bachha chhele-r pistol haath-e dhoralo. Aami bhaablam ei bodhoy gift. Shobey ota pocket-ostho korechhi ki korini, dokaandaar dhawmok debaar shur-e dustbin dekhiye bollo 'Udhaar pheNkiye'. Fake pistol, taaye pheNktey bolchhey, aami pheley dilaam bonduk-ta dustbin-e. Dokaandaar haaN hoye gelo.
Dustbin theke bonduk-ta tuley trigger tiplo nijei. Ekhun 'pheNko' maane je 'chaalao' eta ki korey jaanbo? E onekta shei 'Kapda taang do' aar 'Paa-ta-ke kapoD-er moto mele daao' niye confused hoye jawaar moto case!
Confetti jaatiyo ki ekta besh berolo, taarpor dekhlaam ek chiltey kaagoj uNki maarchhey - taatey je gift-er naam lekha chhilo, taar theke bodhoy oi pistol-ta daami!
Fridge ekhun besh cholchhey. Du-din shojja-gotow hoye praan oshta-gotow howaar por jaWr-o ekhun aamar opor theke nojor tulechhe mon-e hoy. Shudhu maajhe shaajhei shukno kaashi - jaakey bhalo Baanglay boley 'Shushko kaashtho khondow'!
Kaala-jaWr - ei bhoyonkor byaamo-taar katha, thanks to a number of Bangali shahityik, aami gyaNto. Kothaye besh poreochhilam je, kaala-jaWr ekhun bhu-bharat theke phorsha hoye geychhey! Exactly je rog-ta ki, sheta aamar thik kore mon-e nei, tobey etuku boltey paari je, gotoh teen-chaar din dhorey aami ei byaadhi-te aakranto hoyechhilam. Dhum jaWr hoyechhilo, ebong aami kaala hoye gechhilam!
Kolkata theke phire aashaar por thekei kaymon jeno gaa-ta mayj-mayj korchhilo. Prothom-e bhebechhilam je oi Pujo accha-r din acchhaa kore mauj korar fawl hochhe oi 'a-chhoo' gochher haaNchi gulo. (Ingrej-ra shotti je ki na! HaaNchi-ke keu kono din 'aa chhoo' bole? Ei shob shomoy-e je dur-e thaka bhalo, taa oder-ke ke bojhabe?)
Onek-er haaNchi besh 'min-min' kora - jaare koy 'HaaNchi min'. Aamar-ta aabar super-woofer inbuilt-wala. Ek baar mon-ey achhe, Delhi-er ek ottyonto posh cinema hall-e bosh-e cinema dekhchhilam, ebong ek mokkhom muhurtey haaNchi pelo.
HaaNchi hochhey SMS-er moto. Aagey theke kokkhuno bojha jaaye na, kokhun taaNr aabirbhaab hobey! Aar prokot holey attend na kore paara jaaye na.
Taa jaai hok, shaamlaatey na pere heNchei phellam. Chokh khule dekhi, shei Goopy Bagha jemon haath-taali diye, jei kono khaabaar-er katha convey korto, taai aakash theke puro conveyor belt diye naama-r moto shaari shaari neme aashtoh, temon-i ekta kichhu ghotechhe!
Eta jaantaam na je, PVR-e haaNchle free khaabar pawa jaaye. Aamar kowl-moy dekhlaam popcorn. 'Bhaggyish kowl-e Cola poreni', ei bhaabtey bhaabtey ekbaar opor-er dik-e taakaalam - nishchhidro ondhokaar. DaaN dik-e taakate rohoshhyo udghaaton holo. Dekhlaam ek theyssh diye bosha Sheth-ji, taaNr chokkhu ritimoto pop-out korchhe, haath-e aadh gaamla popcorn!
Shordi-r best oshud naaki needra. Shei kaaron-ei bodhoy aagekaar din-er rishi-maharishi-der shordi hoto na. Kaaron taaNra katha-e katha-e jog-needra-r path obolombon korten. Jaai hok, aami aamar schedule-e office biyog kore, needra jog korlaam.
Por-er din shokaal-e chokh meltei ek obdhut sensation holo. Shokaal 7-taar jogot je eto chup-chaap hotey paare, aagey jaantaam na. Aabaar Goopy-r katha mon-ey porey gelo, kemon shey bhoot-er raja-r bawr pawar por-ey gawla chherey gaan dhorechhilo!
Goopy-r shaathe aamar ekta mil achhey. O jemon chup chaap prokriti dekhe gaan dhorechhilo, temon aami aamar college life-e kokkhuno jodi prokritistho baa o-prokritistho obosthaye gaan gaawar chesta kortaam, aamar bondhu-ra aamake chup koraanor jonno chepey dhorto. Taai gaan aar chup-chaap dutoi aamar jibon-e related.
FTV boley aamar ek oteehbo priyo TV channel achhey. Ota dekhei aami bujhechhilam oi Supermodel-der orokom Shojne daaNtar moto chehara hoy ki kore! Shaaradin jodi keu heNte jaaye, taar cheye bhalo exercise aar ki hotey paare? Jaai hok, oi channel-e shedin shokaal-e ei bochhor-er Cannes Award ceremony-r opor ekta program dekhachhilo. Kaan-e ektao word dhuklo na jokhun, bujhlaam aami kaala hoye geychhi!
JaWr jinish-ta aamake prochondo disoriented kore deY. Eta boltey mon-ey pore gelo ekta ghebrey dewa experience.
Aamar prothom chaakri. Event management. Geychhi ek client meeting-e. Client boley ki na 'My brand is extremely manly. It is called 'Three Lines''. Aami aaRh chokh-e ek baar aamar client servicing colleague-er dik-e taakaalam. Shey dekhi nirlipto hoye shuney jachhey client-er katha. Briefing-er shomoy aaro ontohtoh baar shaataash-ek shei ek kotha shuntey holo 'Very macho - three lines'. Aami totokkhon-e 'I came. I saw. I conquered' theke frustrated hoye 'I came to meeting. I heard. I want to conk him' obdi praaye shob bhebe phelechhi, kintu teen-te macho line kichhuttei match koratey paarlaam na.
Aar thaaktey na pere client-ke bollam 'Aapnaar brand-er ekta logo dekha jete paare?' Logo-tey teen-te shingho - three lions!
Shei shingho duaar khultey joto naa koshto peyechhilam, taar theke kom haynostha ebaar hotey hoy ni. Aamar fridge-ta gelo kharaap hoye er moddhey. Prothom-e bhaablaam, aamar oi oto golper boi gulor jonney ebaar ekta cold storage pawa geychhey.
Kintu jokhun praaye protidin-i dal shondhey jete na jete awmbol hoye jete shuru korlo, aar dinner skip korey aamar awmbol aar choaaN dheNkur-er prokop baartei laaglo, dekhlam notun ekta fridge na kiney upaay nei.
Aaj kaal bawro gondogol-er shomoy. Jaai kintey jaao, shob-i etoh bawro bawro je, hoy taa kintey tomaake taaka borrow kortey hobey, aar taa na paarlei gondogol.
Ei jemon, aamaar dorkaar chhilo ekta chhoto fridge. Taa aami duto dorjaa-wala fridge niye korbo-ta ki? Jaani, duto dorjaa thakaar shubidhe achhe. Kintu shey toh baari-r khettrey projojjyo - fridge-er khetrey toh noy.
Aar shotti boltey ki, shudhu borof-er jonno oto bawro ekta compartment - borof aamar chaai, aami maani - kintu chaaiN chaaiN borof chaai, emon toh kokhuno bolini!
Kicchhu fridge-er khetrey dekhlam oi flight ba train-e jemon hoy, temon veg aar non-veg aalaada hoye geychhey. Maaney, fridge-er neech-e dekhlaam ekta aalaada compartment - eta fridge-er baaire - taate shobji raakhar byabostha. Salesman ke jiggyesh korlaam 'Aarshola oTHey jodi?'
Jaai hok, onek ghora ghuri korar por ekta aamar shomaan height-er fridge pochhondo holo. Diwali boley dokaandaar bollo 'Guaranteed free gift' achhey. 'Gift' aar 'Free' ei duto katha aamra Bangali-ra prochondo pochhondo kori. Taai prochondo excited hoye gelaam gift aantey.
Prothom-ei dokaandaar ekta bachha chhele-r pistol haath-e dhoralo. Aami bhaablam ei bodhoy gift. Shobey ota pocket-ostho korechhi ki korini, dokaandaar dhawmok debaar shur-e dustbin dekhiye bollo 'Udhaar pheNkiye'. Fake pistol, taaye pheNktey bolchhey, aami pheley dilaam bonduk-ta dustbin-e. Dokaandaar haaN hoye gelo.
Dustbin theke bonduk-ta tuley trigger tiplo nijei. Ekhun 'pheNko' maane je 'chaalao' eta ki korey jaanbo? E onekta shei 'Kapda taang do' aar 'Paa-ta-ke kapoD-er moto mele daao' niye confused hoye jawaar moto case!
Confetti jaatiyo ki ekta besh berolo, taarpor dekhlaam ek chiltey kaagoj uNki maarchhey - taatey je gift-er naam lekha chhilo, taar theke bodhoy oi pistol-ta daami!
Fridge ekhun besh cholchhey. Du-din shojja-gotow hoye praan oshta-gotow howaar por jaWr-o ekhun aamar opor theke nojor tulechhe mon-e hoy. Shudhu maajhe shaajhei shukno kaashi - jaakey bhalo Baanglay boley 'Shushko kaashtho khondow'!
Friday, October 06, 2006
Ghowr-Koli
Ebaar ek odbhut byapaar holo. Pujo-r dhaak baajaar aagei bhetor-e ke jeno ekta dhaak-dhaak guru guru golaaye 'Ma..Ma' boley deke uthlo! Shubidhe-ta etai aamar je, je Ma, Dugga hoy, aar je Ma 'Dugga Dugga' bol-ey jokhuni baari chhaara hoi, dujonkei ebaar ek-i shomoy Kolkatay pawar chance chhilo. (Ingraaji-tey er ekta descriptor achhey - 'Mum's the word'. Chhaa-posha grihostho Baangali purush-er bodhu-der moddhey oboshhyo ei kotha-tar khub-ekta chawlon nei!) Iyaarki chhere eta bola bhaalo, je yearly dui maa-kei ek jaaygaay pawa jaaye.
Pouranik kaal-e lokjon mowm (wax)-er daana baaniye prochur henostha hoyechhe. Aaj kaal, maane ei ghor Koliyug-e Kolikata jete daana meltey mowm-er dorkaar hoy na, ekta home computer-i jothestho. Taa ek Robi-baarer baar belaa-tey ei Compu-babaji-r shaamne kompomaan hosthe ticket book kortey boshlaam.
Ekhun aar agent-der tiki-tir shondhaan-o laagey na dekhlam. Ticket-ti 'shoor shoor' kore print hoye beriye elo. Bangali mon - taai oi ek phaali kaagoj dekhe khub ekta mon bhorlo na. E hochhe shei rokom - jaara aagekaar din-er phone (jaare ekhun koy 'landline') byaabohaar korechhen, taara hoyto kichhuta shomobedona jaanaben. Aami bolchhi shei koshtipaathor phone gulor kotha jegulo jogoddol-er moto ghaapti mere boshey thakto table-er opor.Dawsh-ta chhidro-te angul dhukiye kaan mola-r moto mochor diye, ekta promaan size-er mortomaan kola-r moto receiver kaan-e laagiye 'Hello' bolaar je onubhuti, sheta aajkaal kaar 'slimmest' phone-e kothaye?
Jaai hok, kotha hochhilo shudur-e bheshe jaawa niye, aami kirokom wrong number-er moto dur-bhaash-er kawthaye choley gelaam. Mone achhe aaj theke even bochhor shaat-ek (seven) aage-o plane-e chawra maane, shey chhilo ek bishaal byaapar. Indian Airlines-er ticket gulo praaye chhoto brochure-er moto hoto. Ultey paaltey dekhtey besh shomoy laagto. Shekhane ei ek A4 sheet. Taar ephhor ophhor kissui naai.
Pujo-r shomoy Kolkata jachhi, taaye Pujo dekhbo praaye bochhor aashtek por, taai decide korechhilam je, celebrations-ta maati thekei shuru korbo - ektu maata-maati holo naahoy. Aar Pujor shomoy taa na holey toh shob-i maati! Taai bondhu-borg-er sample niye market research-e naamlo ei morkot.
Shobaai dekhlaam ek baakyye mene nilo je ei kodin-er jonno jokhun Kolkata jachhi - jaare boley praaye 'buri chhoa', taai flight-eo 'buri' chhoa-r dorkaar nei. Shutorang shobaar aagey baad porlo Indian Airlines (aami emniteo oder proti ektu shondigdho, kaaron ekhun oder naam theke 'Airlines' ta kaata geychhey). Chhuri-ka-ghaat-e aamar kono apotti nei shuney shom-o-showr-e shobaai phish phish kore bollo ''Maachhraanga'tey chortey. Aagey lok jon chhip phele bosh-e thaaktoh, ebong onek shomoy maachh portoh maachhraanga-r khoppor-e. Ekhun shunlaam lok jon maajh-aakash-e Maachhraanga-tey chhip phele boshey thaake. Eto jon ki kokhuno bhul hotey paare? Taai chokh bujey porey gelam raanga jobba-r khoppor-e.
Kingfisher flight gulo-r ekta boishisto achhey - before anyone complains, what I mean to say is prochur boishisto achhey, taar moddhey ektar kotha bolchhi ekhun, baaki kromosho prokashhyo - taa hochhe, ora jaake boley 'In-flight entertainment'. Proti-ti seat-er pechhone ekta kore TV fit kore dewa. Prothom shaari-tey jaara boshey taader kaachh theke ora kom poisha ney ki na jaani na - porer baar jene nebo! Taa jaai hok, flight-e uthtei ja dekhlaam, puro Writer's Building-er shaamner chottor-ta mone porey gelo. Charidik shudhu laal-e laal. Baam-ponthi oi rang-ta je orokom soothing balm-er kaaj korey jaantaam na! Koyekjon-er mukh diyeo laal jhorchhilo - kintu shei bishoy-e boktobbyo prokaash na korai bodhoy sreyo!
Kolkatay land kora maatroi bujhlam oi rang-er implication. Baairey tokhun tumul jhhawr-brishti. Go-mukkhu aami - 'Lull before the storm' kathata kheyaal-i chhilo na!
Taxi korey baari jaawa kaalin lokkhyo korlaam praay-i taxi maadhhya-korshon oggrajjhyo kore 'shaai shaai' kore upor dik-e uthey jachhe. Prothom-e bhaablaam Airport-er taxi, bodhoy chhoto-belaakar obhhyesh plane dekha, taai guliye felechhey. Tarpor dekhlaam 'O Hori!' Ek plate chowmien-er moto uraal-pool. Kintu ei Ural porbot kahan-tak rukhbey? Maajher-haat ekhun-o jomjomaat. Shei je haat-er maajhe thomke daarano, shey Maajher-haat-er jonmogoto odhikaar.
Shondheybela berolaam ektu. Aami konodin-i oi pandalism-e bishwashi chhilam na. Chhotobelay ek baar Puri gechhilam. Shekhane railway station-e oboteerno howa maatro panda-ra chhekey dhorechhilo. Nehaat-i aamader guide-er naam chhilo Mohish (uccharon-er dowsh - ota aasholey naaki 'Mahesh', porey jenechhilam), taai chhara peyechhilam. Kolkata-r Pujo mondop dekhlei aamar shei experience-tar kotha mone porey jaaye.
School life-e itihaash bishoy-ta aamar kokhunoi khub ekta priyo chhilo na. Shesh bench-e boshey aami beshir bhaag shomoy-tai 'nepo-y maare doi'-er shaathe Napoleon-er mishti-r proti durbolota-r kono shomporko achhey ki na, ei shob aadhhyaattik byapar-e moshgul hoye thaaktaam. Jaai hok, taao ja du-ekta naam mon-ey achhey taar modhhey ekta dekhlaam Delhi, Kolkata shomosto jaaygaay notun roop-e phire eshechhe. Aamar cheye jaanra itihaash-er iti oto aagey taanen-ni, taader nischoi mone achhe Ottoman shaamrajjyo-r kotha. Delhi aar Kolkatay ekhun choley 'Automan' shamrajjyo. Era jekono superhero-r cheye kom noy. Eder superpowers hochhe:
1. Mr. India-ke jemon laal kaanch (ghurey phirey aabar shei laal rang - very wrong!) diye dekha jeto, era hochhey inverse of Mr. India (shetar bhuri bhuri nidorshon hochhey oder bhunri). Era prokriti premik baa Maneka Gandhi-ke maane ki na jaani na, kintu shobuj-er proti eder aakorshon oporishim. Etotaai je, eraa laal-keo shobuj dekhe!
2. Eder duroh-drishti prokhor. Era Rashbehari-te daanriye aapnake boley debe je, Behala Thana-r shaamne emon jam, je boyaam-e kaancha aam niye boshley naaki taa baari pouchhotey pouchhotey aachaar hoye jachhe. Emon-i taader aachaar aachoron je na bishwaash kore upaay nei. Taa 'Upaay ki', aapni hoyto jiggyesh korlen. Uttor aashbe 'Tirish taaka'. Ekhanei shesh noy. Oi tirish hochhe per head. Auto-chaalok-er du side theke du-jon, onek shomoy teen-jon, besh shei tele-serial 'Ramayan'-er Kumbhokorno-r mukut-er dui shing-er moto beriye thaake, puro raasta.
Jaara Auto mode-e bishwaashi non, taader bhaggye achhe bus. Jaaraa SD-4-e chorechhen, taara hoyto next kichhu line porey mentally maatha naarben, aar jaara chowren-ni, taader jonno roilo bistarito biboron. SD-4 jodi Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar-er shomoy-e thakto, taholey, kshoma korben, kintu boltey baaddhyo hochhi, Vidyasagar babur shahittyik howa howe uthtoh na. Kaaron-ta jaanai. SD-4 joto naa raastay choley, taar cheye beshi choley footpath-e. Aar aami golpo shunechhi je Vidyasagar naaki onaar powra-shuno lamp-post-er aalo-r neechei shaarten.
Jaai hok. Ei SD-4-er khoppor-e ebaar aami porechhilam besh koyekbaar. Delhi-te thakakaalin besh sheet-o-taap niyontrito jaan-baahon-e chawrar obhiggyota achhe. SD-4-er 'S'-ta bodhoy 'Sauna'. Uthlen ki, prothom-e mon aan-chaan korbe. Taarpor kole-bor chaan korbe. Aar bus-er jhaakuni-r modhhey shei obhiggyotaa-r naam hochhe 'Jhhaki chaan'.
Aar jaara ei taxing time avoid kortey chaan, taader jonno achhey taxi. Aamar chhotobela-y ek dhoron-er putul pawa jeto (ekhuno hoyto pawa jaaye), taar komor-e ekta chaabi dewa thakto. Aamar je putul-ta chhilo, shetar chaabi ghoraley shey khonjoni baajato. Ekhunkaar Kolkata-r taxi-r meter hochhey oi putul-tar post modernist version. Ekbaar oi meter-er ghaar Rajesh Khanna holo ki aapnaar haath-e khonjoni!
Doshomi-r din aamra koyekjon decide korlaam je Pujo onek holo, ebaar pet pujo. Prothom-e bhaabaa holo Tangra jawa hobey, Chinese khete. Taa Doshomi-r din Tangra na hoye aamader moto Chuno-Punti-der bhaggye jutlo Park Street.
Park Street chottor-ta ekhun-o khub ekta paaltaaye ni. Shudhu maajhe shaajhe baakkye-r maajhe 'em' dash-er moto phaanka jaayga, shekhane naaki 'Mall' hobey. Haan Kolkata-r lok-der dekhlam ei ekta notun rog hoyechhe - jekhane shekhane 'Mall'-o-tyaag. Bus-er pechhoney aagey 'Only Vimal' lekha thaaktoh, ekhun 'Only SabMall'. Taa ei Mall-lo-yudhh-ey peeshtoh hochhe chhoto chhoto byaabshaa. Anyway, ei shob bhebey khub ekta laabh nei, e shob bojhar ba shonaar ba ei shob kothaye amall debaar lok praye nei bollei choley.
Pujo-r shaathe aami besh cinema-r mil pelaam. Kichhu chhobi jemon baanano hoy jaate taara Oscar-er jonno mononeetoh hoy, temon-i ebaar dekhlaam hirik porechhe 'Sharad Shamman'-er. Ek-kaal-e shudhu Filmfare award chhilo. Tokhun oi puroshkaar-tir kodor-o chhilo. Ekhun jemon paan moshla theke TV company shobaai kono ekta chhobi-ke proti bochhor taak kore oi Bhishma-r shor-o-shojja-r moto award-er chaador pete dey, temon-i hoyechhe Sharad Shamman. Aar shei prize pawar jonno clubs are coming up with one surprise after another.
Kothaye ekta shunlaam oi je shei 'The Prince who fell down the well and was rescued alive and well' ghotona-ta niye Pujo hoyechhe, ebong Prince naam-e chhele-ti naaki esheo chhilo. Thakur dekhtey giye kuo-te phele debe, emon kotha toh baba aami jommey shunini!
Howrah-te (of all places) ekta pandal baaniyechhilo, depicting one of the recent train accidents. Shunlaam prothom din ek neta otar udghaaton kortey eshe Nitish Kumar-ke gaal-mondo kore geychhen je onaar Ministry-te maati-r rail-o track-e thaake na!
Boyoshko-der maajhe boshley praay-i taader aapshosh shuntey paai, je, aajkaal manush kirokom mediye geychhey, baari bosh-e aar aapish korey med baariye nijeder bhetorkaar shakti-ke haapish korchhey. Icchey korchhilo, ei ender koyekjon-ke raastay ber koranor Pujo-r din-e - at any time of the day, noon, afternoon, evening, night or post midnight.
Orokom kataar-e kataar-e lok thaaye line bendhey daanriye achhey ekta Pujo dekhar jonno, shomosto jaan-baahon-er route paaltey dichhey sref daanriye theke - aagekaar din-e Non-cooperation Movement hoto, ekhun Non-movement-ei shohor kaat! E ki kom kotha?
Ebaar phire aasha-r din. Jawar shomoy aamake Delhi airport-e ek mohila shei Khiddirpur-er bus-er conductor jemon lishti chharey jaatri daaktey, maane shuney mon-e hoy bus-ta ek din-e eto jaaygaay jaaye ki kore, sheirokom ekta lishti porey shuniechhilen. Jaar shaar mormo ei je tumi jodi gel jaatiyo kichhu niye jaao hand baggage-e tomaar jail hotey paare. Toothpaste-o niye jachhina shuney, ektu teriye hesheo chhilen mone achhe.
Taa pherot aasha-r shomoy aami puro jele-ra jemon jaal phele maachh toley orokom bhaabe jinish potro niye aashchhilam - taai aar aamar angel-er moto haashite kaaj dito naa. Suitcase gelo X-Ray hotey. Aami gelaam security check-e.
Kolkata bimaan-bondor-er security check hochhey onek-ta oi 70s-er doshok-er Hindi chhobi-r Central Jail-er koyedi-der khabaar dewar scene-er moto. Duto checkpost (baa, whatever you call that chhotri-ola jaayga), irrespective of the number of airlines and number of flights leaving at any moment of time.
Aamar aagey porey prochur lok taander boarding pass-ke, oi shei cinema-r premier show-er pass dekhiye jemon lok-e aagey dhukey jaaye hall-er moddhey, shei poddhoti obolombon koraar chesta korechhilo. Kintu bifawl holo. Jodi baa kono motey pouchholen checkpost-er dhaare kaachhey hothat niyom paaltey gelo - ebaar mohila-der aagey chhara hobe! Ebaar dekhao, ki dekhabe!
Aaro hyapa. ATM counter-e jemon lekha thaake je ek-er beshi dui-ti noy, temon-i ekhaneo ekta olikhitoh niyom achhey. Ekta line taana achhey, taar beyond-e ekjon maatro jete paare. Aami line maaratey bora-bor-i opotu. Taai sheta khunjtey giye prothom-e khelaam bawka. Taarpor jodi baa daak porlo, aami line dhorey haanthtey haanthtey 'dhoraam' kore kisher ektaar shaathe jeno dhakka khelaam. Chokh tuley taakiye dekhi, oi shei Olympics-e jokhun medal dey tokhun winners-ra jemon chouko type-er haathbaaksho gochher jinish-er opor uthey daanraye, sherokom ekta baaksho. Otatey uthtei aamar kirokom aabeg eshe gelo. Money porey gelo Comaneci, Spitz, Daley Thompson. Aabar dhawmok!
Ebaar ek odbhut byapaar holo. Pujo-r dhaak baajaar aagei bhetor-e ke jeno ekta dhaak-dhaak guru guru golaaye 'Ma..Ma' boley deke uthlo! Shubidhe-ta etai aamar je, je Ma, Dugga hoy, aar je Ma 'Dugga Dugga' bol-ey jokhuni baari chhaara hoi, dujonkei ebaar ek-i shomoy Kolkatay pawar chance chhilo. (Ingraaji-tey er ekta descriptor achhey - 'Mum's the word'. Chhaa-posha grihostho Baangali purush-er bodhu-der moddhey oboshhyo ei kotha-tar khub-ekta chawlon nei!) Iyaarki chhere eta bola bhaalo, je yearly dui maa-kei ek jaaygaay pawa jaaye.
Pouranik kaal-e lokjon mowm (wax)-er daana baaniye prochur henostha hoyechhe. Aaj kaal, maane ei ghor Koliyug-e Kolikata jete daana meltey mowm-er dorkaar hoy na, ekta home computer-i jothestho. Taa ek Robi-baarer baar belaa-tey ei Compu-babaji-r shaamne kompomaan hosthe ticket book kortey boshlaam.
Ekhun aar agent-der tiki-tir shondhaan-o laagey na dekhlam. Ticket-ti 'shoor shoor' kore print hoye beriye elo. Bangali mon - taai oi ek phaali kaagoj dekhe khub ekta mon bhorlo na. E hochhe shei rokom - jaara aagekaar din-er phone (jaare ekhun koy 'landline') byaabohaar korechhen, taara hoyto kichhuta shomobedona jaanaben. Aami bolchhi shei koshtipaathor phone gulor kotha jegulo jogoddol-er moto ghaapti mere boshey thakto table-er opor.Dawsh-ta chhidro-te angul dhukiye kaan mola-r moto mochor diye, ekta promaan size-er mortomaan kola-r moto receiver kaan-e laagiye 'Hello' bolaar je onubhuti, sheta aajkaal kaar 'slimmest' phone-e kothaye?
Jaai hok, kotha hochhilo shudur-e bheshe jaawa niye, aami kirokom wrong number-er moto dur-bhaash-er kawthaye choley gelaam. Mone achhe aaj theke even bochhor shaat-ek (seven) aage-o plane-e chawra maane, shey chhilo ek bishaal byaapar. Indian Airlines-er ticket gulo praaye chhoto brochure-er moto hoto. Ultey paaltey dekhtey besh shomoy laagto. Shekhane ei ek A4 sheet. Taar ephhor ophhor kissui naai.
Pujo-r shomoy Kolkata jachhi, taaye Pujo dekhbo praaye bochhor aashtek por, taai decide korechhilam je, celebrations-ta maati thekei shuru korbo - ektu maata-maati holo naahoy. Aar Pujor shomoy taa na holey toh shob-i maati! Taai bondhu-borg-er sample niye market research-e naamlo ei morkot.
Shobaai dekhlaam ek baakyye mene nilo je ei kodin-er jonno jokhun Kolkata jachhi - jaare boley praaye 'buri chhoa', taai flight-eo 'buri' chhoa-r dorkaar nei. Shutorang shobaar aagey baad porlo Indian Airlines (aami emniteo oder proti ektu shondigdho, kaaron ekhun oder naam theke 'Airlines' ta kaata geychhey). Chhuri-ka-ghaat-e aamar kono apotti nei shuney shom-o-showr-e shobaai phish phish kore bollo ''Maachhraanga'tey chortey. Aagey lok jon chhip phele bosh-e thaaktoh, ebong onek shomoy maachh portoh maachhraanga-r khoppor-e. Ekhun shunlaam lok jon maajh-aakash-e Maachhraanga-tey chhip phele boshey thaake. Eto jon ki kokhuno bhul hotey paare? Taai chokh bujey porey gelam raanga jobba-r khoppor-e.
Kingfisher flight gulo-r ekta boishisto achhey - before anyone complains, what I mean to say is prochur boishisto achhey, taar moddhey ektar kotha bolchhi ekhun, baaki kromosho prokashhyo - taa hochhe, ora jaake boley 'In-flight entertainment'. Proti-ti seat-er pechhone ekta kore TV fit kore dewa. Prothom shaari-tey jaara boshey taader kaachh theke ora kom poisha ney ki na jaani na - porer baar jene nebo! Taa jaai hok, flight-e uthtei ja dekhlaam, puro Writer's Building-er shaamner chottor-ta mone porey gelo. Charidik shudhu laal-e laal. Baam-ponthi oi rang-ta je orokom soothing balm-er kaaj korey jaantaam na! Koyekjon-er mukh diyeo laal jhorchhilo - kintu shei bishoy-e boktobbyo prokaash na korai bodhoy sreyo!
Kolkatay land kora maatroi bujhlam oi rang-er implication. Baairey tokhun tumul jhhawr-brishti. Go-mukkhu aami - 'Lull before the storm' kathata kheyaal-i chhilo na!
Taxi korey baari jaawa kaalin lokkhyo korlaam praay-i taxi maadhhya-korshon oggrajjhyo kore 'shaai shaai' kore upor dik-e uthey jachhe. Prothom-e bhaablaam Airport-er taxi, bodhoy chhoto-belaakar obhhyesh plane dekha, taai guliye felechhey. Tarpor dekhlaam 'O Hori!' Ek plate chowmien-er moto uraal-pool. Kintu ei Ural porbot kahan-tak rukhbey? Maajher-haat ekhun-o jomjomaat. Shei je haat-er maajhe thomke daarano, shey Maajher-haat-er jonmogoto odhikaar.
Shondheybela berolaam ektu. Aami konodin-i oi pandalism-e bishwashi chhilam na. Chhotobelay ek baar Puri gechhilam. Shekhane railway station-e oboteerno howa maatro panda-ra chhekey dhorechhilo. Nehaat-i aamader guide-er naam chhilo Mohish (uccharon-er dowsh - ota aasholey naaki 'Mahesh', porey jenechhilam), taai chhara peyechhilam. Kolkata-r Pujo mondop dekhlei aamar shei experience-tar kotha mone porey jaaye.
School life-e itihaash bishoy-ta aamar kokhunoi khub ekta priyo chhilo na. Shesh bench-e boshey aami beshir bhaag shomoy-tai 'nepo-y maare doi'-er shaathe Napoleon-er mishti-r proti durbolota-r kono shomporko achhey ki na, ei shob aadhhyaattik byapar-e moshgul hoye thaaktaam. Jaai hok, taao ja du-ekta naam mon-ey achhey taar modhhey ekta dekhlaam Delhi, Kolkata shomosto jaaygaay notun roop-e phire eshechhe. Aamar cheye jaanra itihaash-er iti oto aagey taanen-ni, taader nischoi mone achhe Ottoman shaamrajjyo-r kotha. Delhi aar Kolkatay ekhun choley 'Automan' shamrajjyo. Era jekono superhero-r cheye kom noy. Eder superpowers hochhe:
1. Mr. India-ke jemon laal kaanch (ghurey phirey aabar shei laal rang - very wrong!) diye dekha jeto, era hochhey inverse of Mr. India (shetar bhuri bhuri nidorshon hochhey oder bhunri). Era prokriti premik baa Maneka Gandhi-ke maane ki na jaani na, kintu shobuj-er proti eder aakorshon oporishim. Etotaai je, eraa laal-keo shobuj dekhe!
2. Eder duroh-drishti prokhor. Era Rashbehari-te daanriye aapnake boley debe je, Behala Thana-r shaamne emon jam, je boyaam-e kaancha aam niye boshley naaki taa baari pouchhotey pouchhotey aachaar hoye jachhe. Emon-i taader aachaar aachoron je na bishwaash kore upaay nei. Taa 'Upaay ki', aapni hoyto jiggyesh korlen. Uttor aashbe 'Tirish taaka'. Ekhanei shesh noy. Oi tirish hochhe per head. Auto-chaalok-er du side theke du-jon, onek shomoy teen-jon, besh shei tele-serial 'Ramayan'-er Kumbhokorno-r mukut-er dui shing-er moto beriye thaake, puro raasta.
Jaara Auto mode-e bishwaashi non, taader bhaggye achhe bus. Jaaraa SD-4-e chorechhen, taara hoyto next kichhu line porey mentally maatha naarben, aar jaara chowren-ni, taader jonno roilo bistarito biboron. SD-4 jodi Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar-er shomoy-e thakto, taholey, kshoma korben, kintu boltey baaddhyo hochhi, Vidyasagar babur shahittyik howa howe uthtoh na. Kaaron-ta jaanai. SD-4 joto naa raastay choley, taar cheye beshi choley footpath-e. Aar aami golpo shunechhi je Vidyasagar naaki onaar powra-shuno lamp-post-er aalo-r neechei shaarten.
Jaai hok. Ei SD-4-er khoppor-e ebaar aami porechhilam besh koyekbaar. Delhi-te thakakaalin besh sheet-o-taap niyontrito jaan-baahon-e chawrar obhiggyota achhe. SD-4-er 'S'-ta bodhoy 'Sauna'. Uthlen ki, prothom-e mon aan-chaan korbe. Taarpor kole-bor chaan korbe. Aar bus-er jhaakuni-r modhhey shei obhiggyotaa-r naam hochhe 'Jhhaki chaan'.
Aar jaara ei taxing time avoid kortey chaan, taader jonno achhey taxi. Aamar chhotobela-y ek dhoron-er putul pawa jeto (ekhuno hoyto pawa jaaye), taar komor-e ekta chaabi dewa thakto. Aamar je putul-ta chhilo, shetar chaabi ghoraley shey khonjoni baajato. Ekhunkaar Kolkata-r taxi-r meter hochhey oi putul-tar post modernist version. Ekbaar oi meter-er ghaar Rajesh Khanna holo ki aapnaar haath-e khonjoni!
Doshomi-r din aamra koyekjon decide korlaam je Pujo onek holo, ebaar pet pujo. Prothom-e bhaabaa holo Tangra jawa hobey, Chinese khete. Taa Doshomi-r din Tangra na hoye aamader moto Chuno-Punti-der bhaggye jutlo Park Street.
Park Street chottor-ta ekhun-o khub ekta paaltaaye ni. Shudhu maajhe shaajhe baakkye-r maajhe 'em' dash-er moto phaanka jaayga, shekhane naaki 'Mall' hobey. Haan Kolkata-r lok-der dekhlam ei ekta notun rog hoyechhe - jekhane shekhane 'Mall'-o-tyaag. Bus-er pechhoney aagey 'Only Vimal' lekha thaaktoh, ekhun 'Only SabMall'. Taa ei Mall-lo-yudhh-ey peeshtoh hochhe chhoto chhoto byaabshaa. Anyway, ei shob bhebey khub ekta laabh nei, e shob bojhar ba shonaar ba ei shob kothaye amall debaar lok praye nei bollei choley.
Pujo-r shaathe aami besh cinema-r mil pelaam. Kichhu chhobi jemon baanano hoy jaate taara Oscar-er jonno mononeetoh hoy, temon-i ebaar dekhlaam hirik porechhe 'Sharad Shamman'-er. Ek-kaal-e shudhu Filmfare award chhilo. Tokhun oi puroshkaar-tir kodor-o chhilo. Ekhun jemon paan moshla theke TV company shobaai kono ekta chhobi-ke proti bochhor taak kore oi Bhishma-r shor-o-shojja-r moto award-er chaador pete dey, temon-i hoyechhe Sharad Shamman. Aar shei prize pawar jonno clubs are coming up with one surprise after another.
Kothaye ekta shunlaam oi je shei 'The Prince who fell down the well and was rescued alive and well' ghotona-ta niye Pujo hoyechhe, ebong Prince naam-e chhele-ti naaki esheo chhilo. Thakur dekhtey giye kuo-te phele debe, emon kotha toh baba aami jommey shunini!
Howrah-te (of all places) ekta pandal baaniyechhilo, depicting one of the recent train accidents. Shunlaam prothom din ek neta otar udghaaton kortey eshe Nitish Kumar-ke gaal-mondo kore geychhen je onaar Ministry-te maati-r rail-o track-e thaake na!
Boyoshko-der maajhe boshley praay-i taader aapshosh shuntey paai, je, aajkaal manush kirokom mediye geychhey, baari bosh-e aar aapish korey med baariye nijeder bhetorkaar shakti-ke haapish korchhey. Icchey korchhilo, ei ender koyekjon-ke raastay ber koranor Pujo-r din-e - at any time of the day, noon, afternoon, evening, night or post midnight.
Orokom kataar-e kataar-e lok thaaye line bendhey daanriye achhey ekta Pujo dekhar jonno, shomosto jaan-baahon-er route paaltey dichhey sref daanriye theke - aagekaar din-e Non-cooperation Movement hoto, ekhun Non-movement-ei shohor kaat! E ki kom kotha?
Ebaar phire aasha-r din. Jawar shomoy aamake Delhi airport-e ek mohila shei Khiddirpur-er bus-er conductor jemon lishti chharey jaatri daaktey, maane shuney mon-e hoy bus-ta ek din-e eto jaaygaay jaaye ki kore, sheirokom ekta lishti porey shuniechhilen. Jaar shaar mormo ei je tumi jodi gel jaatiyo kichhu niye jaao hand baggage-e tomaar jail hotey paare. Toothpaste-o niye jachhina shuney, ektu teriye hesheo chhilen mone achhe.
Taa pherot aasha-r shomoy aami puro jele-ra jemon jaal phele maachh toley orokom bhaabe jinish potro niye aashchhilam - taai aar aamar angel-er moto haashite kaaj dito naa. Suitcase gelo X-Ray hotey. Aami gelaam security check-e.
Kolkata bimaan-bondor-er security check hochhey onek-ta oi 70s-er doshok-er Hindi chhobi-r Central Jail-er koyedi-der khabaar dewar scene-er moto. Duto checkpost (baa, whatever you call that chhotri-ola jaayga), irrespective of the number of airlines and number of flights leaving at any moment of time.
Aamar aagey porey prochur lok taander boarding pass-ke, oi shei cinema-r premier show-er pass dekhiye jemon lok-e aagey dhukey jaaye hall-er moddhey, shei poddhoti obolombon koraar chesta korechhilo. Kintu bifawl holo. Jodi baa kono motey pouchholen checkpost-er dhaare kaachhey hothat niyom paaltey gelo - ebaar mohila-der aagey chhara hobe! Ebaar dekhao, ki dekhabe!
Aaro hyapa. ATM counter-e jemon lekha thaake je ek-er beshi dui-ti noy, temon-i ekhaneo ekta olikhitoh niyom achhey. Ekta line taana achhey, taar beyond-e ekjon maatro jete paare. Aami line maaratey bora-bor-i opotu. Taai sheta khunjtey giye prothom-e khelaam bawka. Taarpor jodi baa daak porlo, aami line dhorey haanthtey haanthtey 'dhoraam' kore kisher ektaar shaathe jeno dhakka khelaam. Chokh tuley taakiye dekhi, oi shei Olympics-e jokhun medal dey tokhun winners-ra jemon chouko type-er haathbaaksho gochher jinish-er opor uthey daanraye, sherokom ekta baaksho. Otatey uthtei aamar kirokom aabeg eshe gelo. Money porey gelo Comaneci, Spitz, Daley Thompson. Aabar dhawmok!
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