Ghowr-Koli

Ebaar ek odbhut byapaar holo. Pujo-r dhaak baajaar aagei bhetor-e ke jeno ekta dhaak-dhaak guru guru golaaye 'Ma..Ma' boley deke uthlo! Shubidhe-ta etai aamar je, je Ma, Dugga hoy, aar je Ma 'Dugga Dugga' bol-ey jokhuni baari chhaara hoi, dujonkei ebaar ek-i shomoy Kolkatay pawar chance chhilo. (Ingraaji-tey er ekta descriptor achhey - 'Mum's the word'. Chhaa-posha grihostho Baangali purush-er bodhu-der moddhey oboshhyo ei kotha-tar khub-ekta chawlon nei!) Iyaarki chhere eta bola bhaalo, je yearly dui maa-kei ek jaaygaay pawa jaaye.

Pouranik kaal-e lokjon mowm (wax)-er daana baaniye prochur henostha hoyechhe. Aaj kaal, maane ei ghor Koliyug-e Kolikata jete daana meltey mowm-er dorkaar hoy na, ekta home computer-i jothestho. Taa ek Robi-baarer baar belaa-tey ei Compu-babaji-r shaamne kompomaan hosthe ticket book kortey boshlaam.

Ekhun aar agent-der tiki-tir shondhaan-o laagey na dekhlam. Ticket-ti 'shoor shoor' kore print hoye beriye elo. Bangali mon - taai oi ek phaali kaagoj dekhe khub ekta mon bhorlo na. E hochhe shei rokom - jaara aagekaar din-er phone (jaare ekhun koy 'landline') byaabohaar korechhen, taara hoyto kichhuta shomobedona jaanaben. Aami bolchhi shei koshtipaathor phone gulor kotha jegulo jogoddol-er moto ghaapti mere boshey thakto table-er opor.Dawsh-ta chhidro-te angul dhukiye kaan mola-r moto mochor diye, ekta promaan size-er mortomaan kola-r moto receiver kaan-e laagiye 'Hello' bolaar je onubhuti, sheta aajkaal kaar 'slimmest' phone-e kothaye?

Jaai hok, kotha hochhilo shudur-e bheshe jaawa niye, aami kirokom wrong number-er moto dur-bhaash-er kawthaye choley gelaam. Mone achhe aaj theke even bochhor shaat-ek (seven) aage-o plane-e chawra maane, shey chhilo ek bishaal byaapar. Indian Airlines-er ticket gulo praaye chhoto brochure-er moto hoto. Ultey paaltey dekhtey besh shomoy laagto. Shekhane ei ek A4 sheet. Taar ephhor ophhor kissui naai.

Pujo-r shomoy Kolkata jachhi, taaye Pujo dekhbo praaye bochhor aashtek por, taai decide korechhilam je, celebrations-ta maati thekei shuru korbo - ektu maata-maati holo naahoy. Aar Pujor shomoy taa na holey toh shob-i maati! Taai bondhu-borg-er sample niye market research-e naamlo ei morkot.

Shobaai dekhlaam ek baakyye mene nilo je ei kodin-er jonno jokhun Kolkata jachhi - jaare boley praaye 'buri chhoa', taai flight-eo 'buri' chhoa-r dorkaar nei. Shutorang shobaar aagey baad porlo Indian Airlines (aami emniteo oder proti ektu shondigdho, kaaron ekhun oder naam theke 'Airlines' ta kaata geychhey). Chhuri-ka-ghaat-e aamar kono apotti nei shuney shom-o-showr-e shobaai phish phish kore bollo ''Maachhraanga'tey chortey. Aagey lok jon chhip phele bosh-e thaaktoh, ebong onek shomoy maachh portoh maachhraanga-r khoppor-e. Ekhun shunlaam lok jon maajh-aakash-e Maachhraanga-tey chhip phele boshey thaake. Eto jon ki kokhuno bhul hotey paare? Taai chokh bujey porey gelam raanga jobba-r khoppor-e.

Kingfisher flight gulo-r ekta boishisto achhey - before anyone complains, what I mean to say is prochur boishisto achhey, taar moddhey ektar kotha bolchhi ekhun, baaki kromosho prokashhyo - taa hochhe, ora jaake boley 'In-flight entertainment'. Proti-ti seat-er pechhone ekta kore TV fit kore dewa. Prothom shaari-tey jaara boshey taader kaachh theke ora kom poisha ney ki na jaani na - porer baar jene nebo! Taa jaai hok, flight-e uthtei ja dekhlaam, puro Writer's Building-er shaamner chottor-ta mone porey gelo. Charidik shudhu laal-e laal. Baam-ponthi oi rang-ta je orokom soothing balm-er kaaj korey jaantaam na! Koyekjon-er mukh diyeo laal jhorchhilo - kintu shei bishoy-e boktobbyo prokaash na korai bodhoy sreyo!

Kolkatay land kora maatroi bujhlam oi rang-er implication. Baairey tokhun tumul jhhawr-brishti. Go-mukkhu aami - 'Lull before the storm' kathata kheyaal-i chhilo na!

Taxi korey baari jaawa kaalin lokkhyo korlaam praay-i taxi maadhhya-korshon oggrajjhyo kore 'shaai shaai' kore upor dik-e uthey jachhe. Prothom-e bhaablaam Airport-er taxi, bodhoy chhoto-belaakar obhhyesh plane dekha, taai guliye felechhey. Tarpor dekhlaam 'O Hori!' Ek plate chowmien-er moto uraal-pool. Kintu ei Ural porbot kahan-tak rukhbey? Maajher-haat ekhun-o jomjomaat. Shei je haat-er maajhe thomke daarano, shey Maajher-haat-er jonmogoto odhikaar.

Shondheybela berolaam ektu. Aami konodin-i oi pandalism-e bishwashi chhilam na. Chhotobelay ek baar Puri gechhilam. Shekhane railway station-e oboteerno howa maatro panda-ra chhekey dhorechhilo. Nehaat-i aamader guide-er naam chhilo Mohish (uccharon-er dowsh - ota aasholey naaki 'Mahesh', porey jenechhilam), taai chhara peyechhilam. Kolkata-r Pujo mondop dekhlei aamar shei experience-tar kotha mone porey jaaye.

School life-e itihaash bishoy-ta aamar kokhunoi khub ekta priyo chhilo na. Shesh bench-e boshey aami beshir bhaag shomoy-tai 'nepo-y maare doi'-er shaathe Napoleon-er mishti-r proti durbolota-r kono shomporko achhey ki na, ei shob aadhhyaattik byapar-e moshgul hoye thaaktaam. Jaai hok, taao ja du-ekta naam mon-ey achhey taar modhhey ekta dekhlaam Delhi, Kolkata shomosto jaaygaay notun roop-e phire eshechhe. Aamar cheye jaanra itihaash-er iti oto aagey taanen-ni, taader nischoi mone achhe Ottoman shaamrajjyo-r kotha. Delhi aar Kolkatay ekhun choley 'Automan' shamrajjyo. Era jekono superhero-r cheye kom noy. Eder superpowers hochhe:
1. Mr. India-ke jemon laal kaanch (ghurey phirey aabar shei laal rang - very wrong!) diye dekha jeto, era hochhey inverse of Mr. India (shetar bhuri bhuri nidorshon hochhey oder bhunri). Era prokriti premik baa Maneka Gandhi-ke maane ki na jaani na, kintu shobuj-er proti eder aakorshon oporishim. Etotaai je, eraa laal-keo shobuj dekhe!
2. Eder duroh-drishti prokhor. Era Rashbehari-te daanriye aapnake boley debe je, Behala Thana-r shaamne emon jam, je boyaam-e kaancha aam niye boshley naaki taa baari pouchhotey pouchhotey aachaar hoye jachhe. Emon-i taader aachaar aachoron je na bishwaash kore upaay nei. Taa 'Upaay ki', aapni hoyto jiggyesh korlen. Uttor aashbe 'Tirish taaka'. Ekhanei shesh noy. Oi tirish hochhe per head. Auto-chaalok-er du side theke du-jon, onek shomoy teen-jon, besh shei tele-serial 'Ramayan'-er Kumbhokorno-r mukut-er dui shing-er moto beriye thaake, puro raasta.

Jaara Auto mode-e bishwaashi non, taader bhaggye achhe bus. Jaaraa SD-4-e chorechhen, taara hoyto next kichhu line porey mentally maatha naarben, aar jaara chowren-ni, taader jonno roilo bistarito biboron. SD-4 jodi Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar-er shomoy-e thakto, taholey, kshoma korben, kintu boltey baaddhyo hochhi, Vidyasagar babur shahittyik howa howe uthtoh na. Kaaron-ta jaanai. SD-4 joto naa raastay choley, taar cheye beshi choley footpath-e. Aar aami golpo shunechhi je Vidyasagar naaki onaar powra-shuno lamp-post-er aalo-r neechei shaarten.

Jaai hok. Ei SD-4-er khoppor-e ebaar aami porechhilam besh koyekbaar. Delhi-te thakakaalin besh sheet-o-taap niyontrito jaan-baahon-e chawrar obhiggyota achhe. SD-4-er 'S'-ta bodhoy 'Sauna'. Uthlen ki, prothom-e mon aan-chaan korbe. Taarpor kole-bor chaan korbe. Aar bus-er jhaakuni-r modhhey shei obhiggyotaa-r naam hochhe 'Jhhaki chaan'.

Aar jaara ei taxing time avoid kortey chaan, taader jonno achhey taxi. Aamar chhotobela-y ek dhoron-er putul pawa jeto (ekhuno hoyto pawa jaaye), taar komor-e ekta chaabi dewa thakto. Aamar je putul-ta chhilo, shetar chaabi ghoraley shey khonjoni baajato. Ekhunkaar Kolkata-r taxi-r meter hochhey oi putul-tar post modernist version. Ekbaar oi meter-er ghaar Rajesh Khanna holo ki aapnaar haath-e khonjoni!

Doshomi-r din aamra koyekjon decide korlaam je Pujo onek holo, ebaar pet pujo. Prothom-e bhaabaa holo Tangra jawa hobey, Chinese khete. Taa Doshomi-r din Tangra na hoye aamader moto Chuno-Punti-der bhaggye jutlo Park Street.

Park Street chottor-ta ekhun-o khub ekta paaltaaye ni. Shudhu maajhe shaajhe baakkye-r maajhe 'em' dash-er moto phaanka jaayga, shekhane naaki 'Mall' hobey. Haan Kolkata-r lok-der dekhlam ei ekta notun rog hoyechhe - jekhane shekhane 'Mall'-o-tyaag. Bus-er pechhoney aagey 'Only Vimal' lekha thaaktoh, ekhun 'Only SabMall'. Taa ei Mall-lo-yudhh-ey peeshtoh hochhe chhoto chhoto byaabshaa. Anyway, ei shob bhebey khub ekta laabh nei, e shob bojhar ba shonaar ba ei shob kothaye amall debaar lok praye nei bollei choley.

Pujo-r shaathe aami besh cinema-r mil pelaam. Kichhu chhobi jemon baanano hoy jaate taara Oscar-er jonno mononeetoh hoy, temon-i ebaar dekhlaam hirik porechhe 'Sharad Shamman'-er. Ek-kaal-e shudhu Filmfare award chhilo. Tokhun oi puroshkaar-tir kodor-o chhilo. Ekhun jemon paan moshla theke TV company shobaai kono ekta chhobi-ke proti bochhor taak kore oi Bhishma-r shor-o-shojja-r moto award-er chaador pete dey, temon-i hoyechhe Sharad Shamman. Aar shei prize pawar jonno clubs are coming up with one surprise after another.

Kothaye ekta shunlaam oi je shei 'The Prince who fell down the well and was rescued alive and well' ghotona-ta niye Pujo hoyechhe, ebong Prince naam-e chhele-ti naaki esheo chhilo. Thakur dekhtey giye kuo-te phele debe, emon kotha toh baba aami jommey shunini!

Howrah-te (of all places) ekta pandal baaniyechhilo, depicting one of the recent train accidents. Shunlaam prothom din ek neta otar udghaaton kortey eshe Nitish Kumar-ke gaal-mondo kore geychhen je onaar Ministry-te maati-r rail-o track-e thaake na!

Boyoshko-der maajhe boshley praay-i taader aapshosh shuntey paai, je, aajkaal manush kirokom mediye geychhey, baari bosh-e aar aapish korey med baariye nijeder bhetorkaar shakti-ke haapish korchhey. Icchey korchhilo, ei ender koyekjon-ke raastay ber koranor Pujo-r din-e - at any time of the day, noon, afternoon, evening, night or post midnight.

Orokom kataar-e kataar-e lok thaaye line bendhey daanriye achhey ekta Pujo dekhar jonno, shomosto jaan-baahon-er route paaltey dichhey sref daanriye theke - aagekaar din-e Non-cooperation Movement hoto, ekhun Non-movement-ei shohor kaat! E ki kom kotha?

Ebaar phire aasha-r din. Jawar shomoy aamake Delhi airport-e ek mohila shei Khiddirpur-er bus-er conductor jemon lishti chharey jaatri daaktey, maane shuney mon-e hoy bus-ta ek din-e eto jaaygaay jaaye ki kore, sheirokom ekta lishti porey shuniechhilen. Jaar shaar mormo ei je tumi jodi gel jaatiyo kichhu niye jaao hand baggage-e tomaar jail hotey paare. Toothpaste-o niye jachhina shuney, ektu teriye hesheo chhilen mone achhe.

Taa pherot aasha-r shomoy aami puro jele-ra jemon jaal phele maachh toley orokom bhaabe jinish potro niye aashchhilam - taai aar aamar angel-er moto haashite kaaj dito naa. Suitcase gelo X-Ray hotey. Aami gelaam security check-e.

Kolkata bimaan-bondor-er security check hochhey onek-ta oi 70s-er doshok-er Hindi chhobi-r Central Jail-er koyedi-der khabaar dewar scene-er moto. Duto checkpost (baa, whatever you call that chhotri-ola jaayga), irrespective of the number of airlines and number of flights leaving at any moment of time.

Aamar aagey porey prochur lok taander boarding pass-ke, oi shei cinema-r premier show-er pass dekhiye jemon lok-e aagey dhukey jaaye hall-er moddhey, shei poddhoti obolombon koraar chesta korechhilo. Kintu bifawl holo. Jodi baa kono motey pouchholen checkpost-er dhaare kaachhey hothat niyom paaltey gelo - ebaar mohila-der aagey chhara hobe! Ebaar dekhao, ki dekhabe!

Aaro hyapa. ATM counter-e jemon lekha thaake je ek-er beshi dui-ti noy, temon-i ekhaneo ekta olikhitoh niyom achhey. Ekta line taana achhey, taar beyond-e ekjon maatro jete paare. Aami line maaratey bora-bor-i opotu. Taai sheta khunjtey giye prothom-e khelaam bawka. Taarpor jodi baa daak porlo, aami line dhorey haanthtey haanthtey 'dhoraam' kore kisher ektaar shaathe jeno dhakka khelaam. Chokh tuley taakiye dekhi, oi shei Olympics-e jokhun medal dey tokhun winners-ra jemon chouko type-er haathbaaksho gochher jinish-er opor uthey daanraye, sherokom ekta baaksho. Otatey uthtei aamar kirokom aabeg eshe gelo. Money porey gelo Comaneci, Spitz, Daley Thompson. Aabar dhawmok!