Kaala-jaWr

Kaala-jaWr - ei bhoyonkor byaamo-taar katha, thanks to a number of Bangali shahityik, aami gyaNto. Kothaye besh poreochhilam je, kaala-jaWr ekhun bhu-bharat theke phorsha hoye geychhey! Exactly je rog-ta ki, sheta aamar thik kore mon-e nei, tobey etuku boltey paari je, gotoh teen-chaar din dhorey aami ei byaadhi-te aakranto hoyechhilam. Dhum jaWr hoyechhilo, ebong aami kaala hoye gechhilam!

Kolkata theke phire aashaar por thekei kaymon jeno gaa-ta mayj-mayj korchhilo. Prothom-e bhebechhilam je oi Pujo accha-r din acchhaa kore mauj korar fawl hochhe oi 'a-chhoo' gochher haaNchi gulo. (Ingrej-ra shotti je ki na! HaaNchi-ke keu kono din 'aa chhoo' bole? Ei shob shomoy-e je dur-e thaka bhalo, taa oder-ke ke bojhabe?)

Onek-er haaNchi besh 'min-min' kora - jaare koy 'HaaNchi min'. Aamar-ta aabar super-woofer inbuilt-wala. Ek baar mon-ey achhe, Delhi-er ek ottyonto posh cinema hall-e bosh-e cinema dekhchhilam, ebong ek mokkhom muhurtey haaNchi pelo.

HaaNchi hochhey SMS-er moto. Aagey theke kokkhuno bojha jaaye na, kokhun taaNr aabirbhaab hobey! Aar prokot holey attend na kore paara jaaye na.

Taa jaai hok, shaamlaatey na pere heNchei phellam. Chokh khule dekhi, shei Goopy Bagha jemon haath-taali diye, jei kono khaabaar-er katha convey korto, taai aakash theke puro conveyor belt diye naama-r moto shaari shaari neme aashtoh, temon-i ekta kichhu ghotechhe!

Eta jaantaam na je, PVR-e haaNchle free khaabar pawa jaaye. Aamar kowl-moy dekhlaam popcorn. 'Bhaggyish kowl-e Cola poreni', ei bhaabtey bhaabtey ekbaar opor-er dik-e taakaalam - nishchhidro ondhokaar. DaaN dik-e taakate rohoshhyo udghaaton holo. Dekhlaam ek theyssh diye bosha Sheth-ji, taaNr chokkhu ritimoto pop-out korchhe, haath-e aadh gaamla popcorn!

Shordi-r best oshud naaki needra. Shei kaaron-ei bodhoy aagekaar din-er rishi-maharishi-der shordi hoto na. Kaaron taaNra katha-e katha-e jog-needra-r path obolombon korten. Jaai hok, aami aamar schedule-e office biyog kore, needra jog korlaam.

Por-er din shokaal-e chokh meltei ek obdhut sensation holo. Shokaal 7-taar jogot je eto chup-chaap hotey paare, aagey jaantaam na. Aabaar Goopy-r katha mon-ey porey gelo, kemon shey bhoot-er raja-r bawr pawar por-ey gawla chherey gaan dhorechhilo!

Goopy-r shaathe aamar ekta mil achhey. O jemon chup chaap prokriti dekhe gaan dhorechhilo, temon aami aamar college life-e kokkhuno jodi prokritistho baa o-prokritistho obosthaye gaan gaawar chesta kortaam, aamar bondhu-ra aamake chup koraanor jonno chepey dhorto. Taai gaan aar chup-chaap dutoi aamar jibon-e related.

FTV boley aamar ek oteehbo priyo TV channel achhey. Ota dekhei aami bujhechhilam oi Supermodel-der orokom Shojne daaNtar moto chehara hoy ki kore! Shaaradin jodi keu heNte jaaye, taar cheye bhalo exercise aar ki hotey paare? Jaai hok, oi channel-e shedin shokaal-e ei bochhor-er Cannes Award ceremony-r opor ekta program dekhachhilo. Kaan-e ektao word dhuklo na jokhun, bujhlaam aami kaala hoye geychhi!

JaWr jinish-ta aamake prochondo disoriented kore deY. Eta boltey mon-ey pore gelo ekta ghebrey dewa experience.

Aamar prothom chaakri. Event management. Geychhi ek client meeting-e. Client boley ki na 'My brand is extremely manly. It is called 'Three Lines''. Aami aaRh chokh-e ek baar aamar client servicing colleague-er dik-e taakaalam. Shey dekhi nirlipto hoye shuney jachhey client-er katha. Briefing-er shomoy aaro ontohtoh baar shaataash-ek shei ek kotha shuntey holo 'Very macho - three lines'. Aami totokkhon-e 'I came. I saw. I conquered' theke frustrated hoye 'I came to meeting. I heard. I want to conk him' obdi praaye shob bhebe phelechhi, kintu teen-te macho line kichhuttei match koratey paarlaam na.

Aar thaaktey na pere client-ke bollam 'Aapnaar brand-er ekta logo dekha jete paare?' Logo-tey teen-te shingho - three lions!

Shei shingho duaar khultey joto naa koshto peyechhilam, taar theke kom haynostha ebaar hotey hoy ni. Aamar fridge-ta gelo kharaap hoye er moddhey. Prothom-e bhaablaam, aamar oi oto golper boi gulor jonney ebaar ekta cold storage pawa geychhey.

Kintu jokhun praaye protidin-i dal shondhey jete na jete awmbol hoye jete shuru korlo, aar dinner skip korey aamar awmbol aar choaaN dheNkur-er prokop baartei laaglo, dekhlam notun ekta fridge na kiney upaay nei.

Aaj kaal bawro gondogol-er shomoy. Jaai kintey jaao, shob-i etoh bawro bawro je, hoy taa kintey tomaake taaka borrow kortey hobey, aar taa na paarlei gondogol.

Ei jemon, aamaar dorkaar chhilo ekta chhoto fridge. Taa aami duto dorjaa-wala fridge niye korbo-ta ki? Jaani, duto dorjaa thakaar shubidhe achhe. Kintu shey toh baari-r khettrey projojjyo - fridge-er khetrey toh noy.

Aar shotti boltey ki, shudhu borof-er jonno oto bawro ekta compartment - borof aamar chaai, aami maani - kintu chaaiN chaaiN borof chaai, emon toh kokhuno bolini!

Kicchhu fridge-er khetrey dekhlam oi flight ba train-e jemon hoy, temon veg aar non-veg aalaada hoye geychhey. Maaney, fridge-er neech-e dekhlaam ekta aalaada compartment - eta fridge-er baaire - taate shobji raakhar byabostha. Salesman ke jiggyesh korlaam 'Aarshola oTHey jodi?'

Jaai hok, onek ghora ghuri korar por ekta aamar shomaan height-er fridge pochhondo holo. Diwali boley dokaandaar bollo 'Guaranteed free gift' achhey. 'Gift' aar 'Free' ei duto katha aamra Bangali-ra prochondo pochhondo kori. Taai prochondo excited hoye gelaam gift aantey.

Prothom-ei dokaandaar ekta bachha chhele-r pistol haath-e dhoralo. Aami bhaablam ei bodhoy gift. Shobey ota pocket-ostho korechhi ki korini, dokaandaar dhawmok debaar shur-e dustbin dekhiye bollo 'Udhaar pheNkiye'. Fake pistol, taaye pheNktey bolchhey, aami pheley dilaam bonduk-ta dustbin-e. Dokaandaar haaN hoye gelo.

Dustbin theke bonduk-ta tuley trigger tiplo nijei. Ekhun 'pheNko' maane je 'chaalao' eta ki korey jaanbo? E onekta shei 'Kapda taang do' aar 'Paa-ta-ke kapoD-er moto mele daao' niye confused hoye jawaar moto case!

Confetti jaatiyo ki ekta besh berolo, taarpor dekhlaam ek chiltey kaagoj uNki maarchhey - taatey je gift-er naam lekha chhilo, taar theke bodhoy oi pistol-ta daami!

Fridge ekhun besh cholchhey. Du-din shojja-gotow hoye praan oshta-gotow howaar por jaWr-o ekhun aamar opor theke nojor tulechhe mon-e hoy. Shudhu maajhe shaajhei shukno kaashi - jaakey bhalo Baanglay boley 'Shushko kaashtho khondow'!